Broken.. But God Still Spoke to Me..
Updated: Aug 5, 2018
Empty, Unhappy, Incomplete and Lonely, were the words I could use to describe how I felt on the inside. I was always looking for something to make me feel whole, or at least happy. If someone was to tell me this is how they feel on the inside, I would say, "pray and seek God, because he is the only one who can make you whole." But when I was going through this tough time in my life, let's keep it 100, I felt like God wasn’t enough.
I have been going to church since I was about 8 years old, so I had a relationship with God... Well at least I thought I did. But for some reason, praying and reading the bible wasn't making me feel any better. So, I turned to different things to try and fill my emptiness. I started doing things just to fit in and feel accepted. I started hanging out with people I wouldn’t normally hang out with, started going places that I shouldn't have been, all because I wanted to feel accepted, and maybe just have a little bit of happiness.
I realized, the more I tried to find things to fill my voids, the worse I felt.
In 2016 something happened! I was in the car driving back to GA for my final semester of undergrad, and I literally heard someone say, "Just trust me.. Everything will be okay." I had never heard God's voice so loud and clear.
The crazy thing is, I was so lost and broken I didn’t even think God wanted to talk to me.
I felt ashamed, because people have certain expectations they hold me to, and in my heart, I was letting everyone down. So, instead of addressing my issues, I felt like I always had to keep a smile on my face and pretend everything was okay. But, truth be told, I was completely broken, so to hear God's voice at that point in my life, I was really shocked and confused.
As soon as God said, "everything will be okay" Tasha Cobb- Break every chain song came on, and that song was like a confirmation from God. The whole time I was looking for things and people to fill my voids, I should have kept seeking God, instead of giving up. I say all this to say, everyone has their issues and problems, but the worst thing you can do is give up on God.
It's hard to believe and trust in a spirit at times, let's keep it real, it would be a lot easier to fully trust God, if we were actually able to see him. But, I'm here to tell you that trusting him, and giving him all of you is so worth it. I'm not going to flex and act like, after this encounter in my car with God my whole world got back on track, because that would be a whole lie. But I will say if someone asked me how I feel on the inside now, my answers would be the total opposite of Empty, Unhappy, Incomplete and Lonely...
I didn’t get to this place over night, and God is still working on me, I am far from a finished product. The point is, no matter how bad you think things are in your life don’t give up on God.
My mother always told me, "God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers," so keep your head up, because you will survive this.
When you're going through things always remember to trust in God no matter how bad the situation looks, because you can't do it alone... trust me!!!
Scripture- When you go through deep waters, I will be with you". ~Isaiah 43:2
Song- Break Every Chain –Tasha Cobb